How Not to Get an Interview: 5 Easy Tips

Over 25 years in my professional career I have gone through hundreds of resumes from eager applicants for various positions including administrative assistants, telemarketers, marketing management, creative and web developers.  We just completed the hiring process for a new person and it brought to light a variety of fun tips I wanted to share to help you not get the interview.

Send a blank email

Don’t bother to write an email if you have attached your cover letter.  That shows me how lazy you are and sends you straight to the NO pile.

Don’t put your personal information in the subject line

…Especially when you are responding to an ad from an online posting service like Monster or Craig’s List. Imagine 100 people responding to the same ad and everyone just clicks to submit the same email template.  My in-box now has 100 new emails all with the same subject line. (See picture above).  So if you don’t add your name into the subject line, it makes it really easy to accidentally skip or lose your emailed application.

Don’t provide all of your contact information

Make me work for it.  I prefer to reach out by phone but if you only give me your email, make sure you don’t check it very often so I have forgotten about you in a few weeks.  If you have an online portfolio or website, do not put that on your resume or cover letter.  Put it in the email so if I only print your resume, I don’t have it.  Then I have to go through 100 emails all with the same subject line and see if I can find it.

Don’t proof your resume or letter

…Especially if you are applying for a writing or designing position.  Typos, misspellings, grammar and punctuation mistakes, misaligned bullets and paragraphs are all circled with a red pen as I scan your letter and resume.  The more red, the quicker you jump to the NO pile.

Keep your file names generic:  “resume” and “cover letter”

This concept is similar to the idea of the generic email subject line.  Imagine hundreds of Word and PDF documents all with the same generic name. It makes it easy for me to lose and you never even make it to the NO pile!.

In a world when you see people graduating from college with student loans the size of a mortgage, unemployment rates of recent college graduates in the 8-10% range and watching 15-20% of those graduates ending up ‘under-employed’ I can see why.  Follow these five tips and you can help all of these numbers increase -- the lazier the better.

Come on people! Seriously?!  I am horrified! All of these examples are real and avoidable.  If your college professors don't tell you how, Google will give you tips on anything you can think of for free:  search ‘cover letter’ or ‘job search tips.’ Duh! You may have grown up where everyone gets a trophy for playing but in the real world only one person gets the job.

Top Cold Calling Personas

Lately I have been greatly entertained by the daily voice-mail messages I receive from the cold-callers of the world currently out there dialing for dollars:  

Eminem:  Ridiculously fast talker like some of the most popular rappers.  Or remember those old FedEx commercials?  That guy.

Mumbles: Remember Dustin Hoffman in Dick Tracy? Best when phone is smooshed against your face for further distortion.

Colonel Nathan Jessup:   Read your forceful monologue into my voice-mail with all the reasons why I need you on my wall. Or at least whatever you are selling.

Jeff Spicoli:  Laid back tone like he’s talking to his bro about his favorite pizza. I have to think twice to figure out if we really do know each other.

Patty Simcox:  Over –the-top, up-beat and excited. I imagine you are wearing red, white and blue and singing the “Up with People” theme song.   Funny…I may actually call you back.

My heart goes out to all of these people whose livelihoods rely on the successful outcome of these failed cold-call attempts. PEOPLE! Call yourself and leave yourself a sample call. Would you call yourself back?

Here are a few tips:

I typically open my voice-mail once a day at the most because they are 90% cold-calls.  I grab a pen and my notebook with full intention of taking notes to return calls. 

I get so many cold-call messages that I will only give you a few seconds at the beginning before I just hit 3-3-7 to delete.  If you are speaking clearly, I can understand your name, number and company and if your story peaks my interest, I write it down. That’s your first step to getting a call back. 

   

You improve your odds if you mailed me something cool, interesting and memorable prior to calling. Then when your voice-mail references your memorable mailer, continuing the story of why you are better and different, I may return your call simply because I admire good marketing. 

I am busy. I have a full-time job with many active projects that don’t require you or the thing you are selling. We outsource very little and operate with an in-house agency model. On the other hand, I love marketing. I want to stay up-to-date on new technology, strategies and approaches. Depending on your sales cycle, a meeting at the right time can allow me to pitch management and budget for something new. I enjoy networking. I am a good target but you have to get my attention, peak my curiosity and not annoy me. 

Southwest, Charmin and Extra Gum: random thoughts

Branded credit cards and loyalty card

In the pic above you can see the Southwest Airlines is the only one that got it right.  Designers need to think about that tiny sliver of the card that peaks out of the slot.  It’s such a pain to deal out all of my cards to find the one I need.  AMEX has a distinctive design, so that helps.  Macy’s peaks out a lil. But it’s one of those little details that reinforce why Southwest is one of my favorite brands!

Speaking of Southwest

Southwest is my first-choice in airlines because of 1) affordable rates 2) on-time, dependable service, 3) excellent customer service and 4) flexible frequent flier program. I had an American Airlines credit card for over twenty years that I recently cancelled and moved to a Southwest card for the miles.  Whether I am travelling for work or personal I check Southwest first.  I wonder how Southwest would quantify that loyalty? And you still get snacks and a birthday card!

Single-ply toilet paper

Do businesses really save that much when they buy the cheap TP? Don’t you use twice as much to accommodate? I hate single-ply! #my-butt-hurts My Charmin brand loyalty dates back to college when I was living on student loans and eating $.10 macaroni and cheese from Aldi.  I would splurge on Charmin.

Crazy flavored gum

Extra has the market on this category with deliciously crazy flavors of apple pie, raspberry vanilla cupcake and lemon square! I am trying to cut back on my sugar intake because I eat way too much! I love all things sweet. From the fancy crème broulet to a World’s Fair donut to Swedish Fish and Hot Tamales!  This gum really helps the cravings. My new discover is “Sour Patch Kids” flavored gum from Stride! Ridiculously awesome! 48 year old, single, white female target market?  Ha! I have disposable income to spend on lots of gum!

Call me Nana

I can really tell I am getting older. Not just by the aches and pains in my body but by my attitude towards the actions of kids today.  Here are a few examples:

Gym Dad

Last night as I was leaving the gym in 20 degree weather all bundled up with hat, hood, gloves and down coat I observed a young dad leaving with his three children.  The youngest girl was in his arms with wet hair after a swim. The little boy running next to him was wearing his coat solely by the hood like a super hero and the oldest daughter wearing basketball shorts and a light jacket.  Memories of Grandma vonOehsen demanding that I cover my ears came racing into my mind.  Seriously 20 degrees!  As a childless woman, I found myself judging this young dad and his lack of winter wear.

Teen Leggings

One of the biggest fashion trends with teen girls seems to be wearing leggings as pants with tops that come to their waist, not mid-thigh.  All their form-fitting business is exposed as they take their laps through the mall oblivious to Pervy McPervson’s  ogling and heavy breathing.

Stripper shoes

Five-inch stiletto’s and platform shoes have crossed-over from the pole to the mainstream.  Celebrities, eighth graders and CEO’s parade around on tip-toe with their feet in glitter, animal print, ankle strap bondage.

I don’t get it!

You will all be invited to my 50th birthday celebration in 2016 where I will likely be wearing comfortable shoes, normal fitting pants and ear-muffs.

ps above photo features the down coat hood plus hat combo approved by Grandma vonOehsen (in front of the White House).

Be Better than the Gap

Awesome scene from the movie “Crazy, Stupid, Love” but ouch, if you manage the Gap brand. (Every time this movie is on cable I watch).  How did they go from being a brand on the top with the coolest dance commercials that everyone talked about to the butt of a Ryan Gosling joke? Now that I think about it, those cool dance commercials were a long time ago, and I can’t remember the last time I was in a Gap.

Anyone in marketing knows how hard it is to manage a brand in a large company with a million different people delivering the brand experience and a million things out of your control.  A nice brand standards document doesn’t do much if people don’t know about it or ignore it. Well-intentioned co-workers put the logo in a fun new color or shape and your brand equity starts to erode. 

Or you publicly unveil a new logo that should appear to be more modern and contemporary but then roll it back a week later because of all the outrage on social media. The new logo gets its own Twitter handle and there’s more salt in the wound.  Poor Gap.  Logo debacle in 2010, this movie quote from 2011 and it’s still lingering.

Steve Carell’s character goes through his own re-branding in the movie.  Ryan Gosling plays his new brand consultant.  Now we all can’t have Ryan Gosling coaching us on how to be personally relevant but I like the idea of keeping an eye on your personal brand and growing as a human being. 

Last year I started an urban garden and grew my own vegetables.   It’s empowering to be able to grow your own food.  To come home from work, pick some fresh broccoli and peppers and have a nice little home grown dinner. It’s also very satisfying to share the bounty with friends and family when you have more peppers than you could possibly eat.  My mom has already requested that I add radishes this year. 

I also took golf lessons and was immediately hooked.  I love hitting a bucket of balls, playing a par three with my nephew or golfing a full 18 holes at a fancy Palm Springs golf course. I just joined a league.  It’s been a long time since I had a hobby that required practice. 

Who knows if gardening or golf make my personal brand more relevant to the world.  They make me happy and that’s a core value of my brand J

Birchbox: a case study

I really admire innovative marketing ideas. One of my recent finds is Birchbox. Every month I find two of my co-workers eagerly anticipating the arrival of the box and then discussing in excited detail the contents of the box.

Birchbox is a monthly delivery of ”high-end beauty and lifestyle samples from top brands.”

Now, I am not the girliest girl you’ve ever met. I’ve been loyal to Maybelline make-up since my internship in grad school but most women my age have graduated to department store brands like Lancome, Clinique or Estee Lauder. I don’t love shopping. I don’t go to just browse, I go with a purpose.

What I love about Birchbox is that it brings the mall to you. I get to try new perfume, lotion and make-up for $10 a month. And when you like something, it’s super easy to log on and buy the full-size version on their website, all without a trip to a crowded mall. They’ve completely roped me in and I’ve made purchases in the first two months.

Honestly, the coolest part is the entire customer experience. From the very beginning they tease you into really wanting it. You have to submit a form to apply for a subscription. Yes, they have to give you permission to give them money! And while you wait for your subscription to be ready, your anticipation starts to build. Their e-mail marketing is timely and relevant and helps to build your excitement. When the package arrives in your mailbox, you feel a few of the same flutters you get when you open a present. I know, it sounds dorky but it’s true. The box within the box, the tissue paper and the cards really do deliver and exceptional experience.

So if you’re looking for a creative gift idea for the lady in your life, you really should look at the Birchbox. And no, I received no compensation for this blog post. Are you kidding me? I have like twelve readers!

You CAN teach an old dog new tricks

Yes, I am the dog in this story. Since April I’ve discovered two new hobbies/obsessions: gardening and golf.

In April I hired a fabulous landscaping company (Timberline Landscaping) to dig up my entire backyard and put in a brick patio and some landscaping. I spaced them out so I had room to plant my own things. Randomly, I chose red, green, yellow and orange bell peppers, yellow squash, zucchini, cucumber, broccoli and egg plant.

I can’t tell you how thrilling it is each morning to check my plants for new leaves, flowers and vegetables. My iPhone is filled with pictures of my garden. Everything is growing bigger and faster than I ever imagined.

Watering is like a religion especially since we are in a drought. The best advice my landscaping company gave me was to water at the roots rather than use a sprinkler and to water every two to three days. It’s important to let the ground dry out so the roots have to grow stronger as they look for water.

I’m looking forward to eating my first pepper and broccoli in the next week or so!

And my second new hobsession (made that up) is golf. A friend invited me to participate in a five week clinic with three other girls who have been golfing for years. The golf pro was great. She was able to provide simple tips and corrections for all of us even though we were all at different levels. Immediately I saw improvement with my drives. They don’t go far but they generally go straight.

She was adamant about the need to practice, over and over. I took her advice and try to get to the driving range one or two times a week to drive, chip and putt. I love it! It’s fun having something to practice to improve. It’s great exercise. The courses are gorgeous and get you out in nature. And it’s something I can do into retirement.

It’s funny how the universe works. I was recently invited to play in a golf tournament with a vendor…the first time this has ever happened in my career! And we really did talk a lot of business in between shots. What a great time!

So now you know why I haven’t blogged since March. So what are your new hobsessions?